I think every American, who isn't a Californian, is laughing about the California Recall Election. Some of us Californians are laughing, too.

Yesterday Patricia and I received our sample ballot. It's hilarious!

The first question is “Shall Gray Davis be recalled (removed) from the office of Governor”

Comment: Only in California do you have to tell the voter that "Recall" means "Throw the rascal out". It doesn't mean to put him back in office, as in hitting the "redial" button on your cell phone, Dude.

This question is followed by a list of 168 candidates each of whom has forked over 4 figures to be on the ballot. Most of them are unknowns, of course. Also, most of them are being ignored by the media, so they have but one chance to sell you on voting for them, and that is how they present themselves on the "Sample Ballot". Each candidate has three things included: 1. Their name, which can include a nickname in quotes, 2. Their Profession and 3. Their party affiliation.

For example there is Cruz Bustamante, Lt. Governor, Democrat or Todd Richard Lewis, Businessman, Independent. Pretty straight forward stuff.

Some candidates are hoping voters will be so stupid that they will think the candidate is someone famous: Examples include:
Richard Simmons, Attorney, Businessperson – who is NOT the exercise guru S. Issa, Engineer – No relation to the Congressman who started the recall Edward "Ed" Kennedy, definitely not of the Chappaquidick Kennedys Dianna Foss, no profession listed, not to be confused with Diva Dianna Ross Dan Feinstein, also no profession listed, not related to the SenatorMichael Jackson, Satellite Project Manager, definitely not the “Gloved-one”

Party affiliations are the usual, Republican, Democratic and Independent. But there are also 4 from the Green Party, 3 Libertarians, 2 from the Natural Law Party and one each representing the American Independent Party and the Peace & Freedom Party.

There are several who are famous or used to be famous including some of the big names like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Peter Ueberroth, and Arianna Huffington (who lists herself as "author/columnist/mother"). Leo Gallagher (Comedian); Gary Coleman (Actor); Larry Flynt, (Publisher); Angelyne (entertainer) and everyone's favorite Mary "Mary Carey" Cook, (Adult film actress).

Huffington is not the only one to brag about having offspring under the category of Profession. In fact three list themselves as a "father", one as a "mother" and one woman preferred the more politically correct, "Parent" No one listed "Housewife" or "Stay at home Dad" in this category – no "Soccer Moms" either.

Finally, there are the folks who don't have famous names who, by virtue of the way they present their name and/or profession, try to tell you why you should vote for them. Some of the more interesting ones are: (My comments in Parens)

Badi Badiozamani, Entrepreneur/Author/Executive (Busy Guy)
John Christopher Burton, Civil Rights Lawyer (No estate planning from this guy)
David Ronald Sams, Businessman/Producer/Writer (another Busy Guy)
Lawrence Steven Strauss, Lawyer/Businessperson/Student (What could he be studying?)
Christopher Sproul, Environmental Attorney (No estate planning here either)
R. Sprague, Discrimination Complaint Investigator (Works for the Civil Rights Lawyer)
Paul Nave, Businessman/Prizefighter/Father (His kids better toe the line)
Robert Newman, Psychologist/Farmer (perhaps a “Horse Whisperer”)
Jack Loyd Grisham, Musician/Laborer (Can't make a living with that horn)
William S. "Bill" Chambers, Railroad Switchman/Brakeman (Not even an Engineer)
Ronald Jason Palmieri, Gay Rights Attorney (more "Rights" being violated)
Lorraine (Abner Zurd) Fontanes, Film Maker (Lorraine is also Abner?)
Warren Farrell, Father's Issues Author (Must have to do with control of the remote)
David Laughing Horse Robinson, Tribal Chairman (favors more Casinos)
Nathan Whitecloud Walton, Student (Tuition paid by the Casinos)
Kurt "Tachikaze" Rightmyer, Middleweight Sumo Wrestler ( Not one of those BIG guys)
Ned Roscoe, Cigarette Retailer (Guess what his agenda will be)
Bruce Margolin, Marijuana Legalization Attorney (How about his agenda)
Paul "Chip" Mailander, Golf Pro (Never up, never in)
Mike McCarthy, Used Car Dealer (A guy you really would buy a used car from)
Mohammed Arif, Businessman (Runs a flight school)
Ivan A. Hall, Custom Denture Manufacturer (Can get his teeth into the issues)

I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP, HONEST

Welcome to the "Land of Fruits and Nuts"

Frank